Cartoon Dumb Contest
by THP
Summary: Hey it's THP and Ion Deity. We're here to host a cartoon dumb contest between Ed, Patrick, and G.I.R. Final chapter up.
1. Introduction and Question 1

Hey it's me again and this is another one of my fanfics. Okay, it's my second but it's a good one. It's a dumb contest based on how dumb a character is. Who's in it? Read and find out.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any cartoons but I do own THP and my friend owns Ion Deity.  
  
  
  
THP: (Walks in waving to audience then signals to stop applauding.) Hi there I'm your host THP.  
  
Ion Deity: And so am I.  
  
THP: We're here to host a dumb contest between 3 cartoon characters.  
  
Ion Deity: Who are they you ask? Well you'll find out soon enough.  
  
THP: So while we are waiting, who wants to see me shoot stuff?  
  
Audience: YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Ion Deity: (Takes out some targets.)  
  
THP: (Shoots every target blindfolded.)  
  
Audience: Yayyyyyyy!!  
  
THP: Can I have a volunteer?  
  
Audience member known as Jimmy Conconjoebob: Pick me! Pick me!  
  
THP: Come on up Jimmy. Now I'm going to be blindfolded and I need to shoot a chicken off your head.  
  
Jimmy Conconjoebob: Uh, on second thought I'll pass. (Starts backing off)  
  
THP: Too late.  
  
THP: (fires multiple shots and hits the chicken off his head. Unfortunately Jimmy's head flew off.)  
  
Patrick: We're here!  
  
Ed: Take me to your donut.  
  
G.I.R.: Can I have ice cream?  
  
Ion Deity: Well, the contestants are here. Lets get started.  
  
THP: Okay, here are the rules.  
  
G.I.R.: Ice cream!  
  
Everyone except G.I.R.: Oo  
  
THP: Like I said, here are the rules. We will ask each cartoon either the same question for all of them or different questions. To answer a question you will have to use our buzzer. Points will be awarded randomly for dumbness, stupidness, and downright pointless stuff. Points will be taken away for acts of kindness, intelligence, or saying you're smart. Any questions?  
  
Patrick: Do you have any relish?  
  
THP: No, now question #1. What's 0+0?  
  
Patrick: Coconuts!  
  
G.I.R.: Scary monkey!  
  
Ed: Peanuts!  
  
Ion Deity: 5 points to each.  
  
Ed: Does Jimmy like to crack corn even though I don't care?  
  
THP: Oo Uh 2 points to Ed.  
  
G.I.R.: Aw man. I wanted a slice of toe juice.  
  
THP: 2 points to G.I.R.  
  
Patrick: You hate me! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
Ion Deity: 2 points for sympathy.  
  
Patrick: All right.  
  
Audience member known as Bob: Give me a dollar!  
  
THP: Sick'em boys.  
  
Patrick, Ed, and G.I.R.: (Attack Bob)  
  
An ambulance comes in and takes away the unconscious Bob.  
  
Audience: Oo  
  
Patrick, Ed, and G.I.R.: ^__^  
  
THP: Well, looks like we're out of time. Here are the scores.  
  
G.I.R.=7  
  
Patrick=7  
  
Ed=7  
  
Ion Deity: Join us next episode on Cartoon Dumb Contest.  
  
  
  
THP: Well, what did you think of the first chapter?  
  
Ion Deity: If you have questions send them through reviews.  
  
THP: So R&R or I'll sick the contestants on you. 


	2. Questions 2, 3, and 4

Hey all you loyal fans! *Silence* Okay, since I got one review from Ion Deity I know I have no fans *sniffle* but please this chapter will be funny, I'm on my hands and knees here. Well for those of you that are reading here's the second chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any cartoons but I own THP and my friend owns Ion Deity.  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: Hey everybody and welcome back to the second episode of Cartoon Dumb Contest.  
  
Audience: Yayyyyyyy!  
  
Ion Deity: On our last episode we ended with these scores  
  
Patrick=7  
  
G.I.R.=7  
  
Ed=7  
  
Patrick: I can make stinkier farts than both of you.  
  
Ed: Can not!  
  
G.I.R.: Yeah, because I can!  
  
Ed: Oh yeah, FAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT!!!!!!!!  
  
G.I.R.: That's nothing watch (smell) this. (Tries to fart but can't because he's a robot)  
  
Patrick: Well, prepare to smell. FFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Audience: (Faints)  
  
THP and Ion Deity: x__x  
  
Ed, G.I.R., and Patrick: TACOS!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^5 hours later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
THP: What happened? o__-  
  
Ion Deity: Man, that really reeked.  
  
Audience: Get on with the show.  
  
THP: __ 10 points to Patrick, 6 points to Ed, and 3 points to G.I.R. for trying.  
  
G.I.R.: You can't leave me out of the big leagues coach I ZZZZZZZZZ.  
  
Ion Deity: Oo 4 points for G.I.R.'s weird dream.  
  
G.I.R.: U.S.A! U.S.A.! Let's play the game show!  
  
Patrick: Krabby Patties!  
  
Ed: Potatoes with a sprig of ice cubes!  
  
THP: Question 2. What is your name?  
  
Ed: Buzz! Don't tell me I know this one. ___  
  
Ion Deity: Um, while Ed thinks let's go to Patrick.  
  
Patrick: Patrick!  
  
G.I.R.: High in vinegar cupcakes!  
  
Ed: I know! Socks!  
  
THP: -1 point because Patrick actually answered the question correctly, 3 points to G.I.R., and 4 points to Ed.  
  
Ed: All right I'm smart!  
  
Ion Deity: -1 point for Ed.  
  
G.I.R.: I still want ice cream!  
  
THP: -__- * Okay, question 3. Aren't I cool?  
  
Ion Deity: That's not the question. Now, question 3. Who is your favorite person in your show?  
  
G.I.R.: Tikiwiki!  
  
Patrick: Krispy Kreme Donut Man!  
  
Ed: This now concludes our broadcast. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!  
  
Ion Deity: 4 points to Ed and 3 points to Patrick and G.I.R.  
  
THP: Question 4. John has 2 apples and Davey has 3 Apples how come they don't just eat the apples and stop waiting until they rot?  
  
Ed: Because it's pineapple season.  
  
Patrick: Mayonnaise is good for your armpits.  
  
G.I.R.: I don't know.  
  
THP: Ed's was logical but pointless so he only gets 1 point, Patrick gets 3 points for the untrue tip, and G.I.R. gets 4 points because he was not afraid to admit that he's too stupid to answer.  
  
THP: Here are the scores.  
  
Patrick=21  
  
G.I.R.=20  
  
Ed=21  
  
Ion Deity: Well, that's all the time we have left today so see you next episode (chapter) and stay dumb all you idiots out there.  
  
Idiots in the audience: Peanuts to the guy in the white suit. (They point to a nuthouse security guard)  
  
Nuthouse security guard: All right you guys have had your fun, now back to the nuthouse.  
  
Idiots: Aw man. (Sadly walk away)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: How'd you like the second chapter?  
  
Ion Deity: It was okay.  
  
THP: Just okay?  
  
Ion Deity: No, it was great!  
  
THP: All right. ^__^  
  
THP: Now take Ion Deity's example and R&R.  
  
Ion Deity: Or we'll completely disconnect you from Fanfiction.net! Mwahahahahaha!!  
  
THP: We can't, we don't have the technology.  
  
Ion Deity: Oh. 


	3. Questions 5-10 and Hobo Death Match

Wassup, it's THP here and I've got 1 fan that's not Ion Deity. *Silence* Uh, maybe I should get on with the story.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any cartoons but I own THP and my friend owns Ion Deity.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: Hey everybody and welcome to the third episode of Cartoon Dumb Contest!  
  
Ion Deity: On the last episode we ended with these scores.  
  
G.I.R.=20  
  
Patrick=21  
  
Ed=21  
  
G.I.R.: I like grapefruit.  
  
Ed: I can pick my nose with my butt.  
  
Patrick: (drools)  
  
Idiots from last chapter: We have happy medication! (Hold up pills shaped like demons)  
  
Everyone: Oo  
  
Patrick: Where's the emergency exit! Captain we've got a code………. ZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………… FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT  
  
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everybody but G.I.R., Patrick, and Ed: x__x  
  
  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^2hours later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
  
  
THP: Not again.  
  
Ion Deity: __ Question 5. Why do we have to go through with this?  
  
THP: Good question but not the real one. Question 5. If you had one wish what would it be?  
  
Ed: Haki Saki!  
  
G.I.R.: Yum yum fruitcake89!  
  
Patrick: Freaky toilet monsters rule our sewers!  
  
Ion Deity: 5 points to all.  
  
THP: Okay, Patrick do you have a crush on anyone?  
  
Patrick: Dollars are really an advanced alien race trying to take all our soda!  
  
THP: 3 points. Now Ed, do you enjoy being clean?  
  
Ed: I eat termites!  
  
Ion Deity: Does that answer your question?  
  
THP: 5 points. Last question and it's for G.I.R. Have you ever actually done something helpful to anyone?  
  
G.I.R.: Walnuts, peanuts, and pineapple smells! Grapes, melons, oranges, and coconut shells!  
  
Everyone: Oo  
  
G.I.R.: Woohoo.  
  
THP: 6 points.  
  
Nuthouse security guard: (runs in panting) All right, that's it you guys, I'm taking away your smoking privileges.  
  
Idiots: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
THP: Oo Question 9. Who inspired you to amount to nothing?  
  
Patrick: I like eggs!  
  
Ed: Tarantulas are helpful because they are Australia with a hint of cow.  
  
G.I.R.: I rub mustard on my butt see. (Shows us his @## and you see mustard dripping off)  
  
Ion Deity: 7 points to each.  
  
G.I.R.: 1+1=2.  
  
Ion Deity: -1 point.  
  
G.I.R.: Poop.  
  
THP: Question 10. What's your favorite food?  
  
Patrick: FAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone has nose plugs except G.I.R., Ed, and Patrick.  
  
G.I.R.: Hobo chunks!  
  
Ed: Stinky armpits!  
  
THP: 5 points.  
  
Ion Deity: Now we have some quick entertainment before we end the fic.  
  
THP: Hobo Death Match!  
  
Audience: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!  
  
Hobo #1: I live with a raccoon!  
  
Hobo #2: A book is not a pet!  
  
Audience: Fight! Fight! Fight!  
  
Hobo#1: (Takes a rubber chicken and starts whacking Hobo #2)  
  
Hobo #2: (Eats the rubber chicken and starts punching and kicking Hobo #1 in the @##)  
  
Hobo #1: Momma told me people would always kick me in the @## during a fight so I was prepared! (Takes out some beans, eats them, then poops on Hobo #2)  
  
Hobo #2: (Gets knocked out from Hobo #1's poop) x__x  
  
Hobo #1: Akojvndcjnsdjddndcbhdfhufoehyucfjehruwhrcyrnnnifhsuhncurnfccnybngvjwj  
  
Sjdnewwoej398471982t4cvyv51chy8v7t057kdut57kjd5y7thb.n8[/'67tdswaw7w%T#&*(JH GHGDAADGHJ??:^^*Ifklbkbklhjkjgkjgjgjfdjrekdjdjdvhdsfhgdyfgj!!!!!!!!!!!!???? ?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: Oo  
  
THP: For winning the Hobo Death Match you win a can of Europe. (Gives him a can of dirt from Europe)  
  
Hobo #1: All right I can finally go to college!  
  
Ion Deity: Okay, now that that's over here are the scores for this episode.  
  
G.I.R.=42  
  
Patrick=41  
  
Ed=43  
  
THP: Join us next time on Cartoon Dumb Contest!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: Well, what did you think of that?  
  
Ion Deity: Nice.  
  
THP: I hope Hobo #2 is gonna be all right.  
  
Hobo #2 is being carried into the hospital.  
  
THP: R&R or you'll end up like Hobo #2. 


	4. Final Chapter

Hey everyone how are you doing? *Applause* All right I've got fans! Well Deadly Sins today is your lucky day because you are in this fic as a surprise guest and host! And VEGETA (He is an author not the actual Vegeta) will be a host because he asked me at school. Well let's get this fic rolling and stupid!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but this whole idiotic plot and myself. Deadly Sins owns himself, VEGETA owns himself, and Ion Deity owns himself.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: Hi everybody!  
  
Audience: Hi Dr. Nick er, we mean THP!  
  
THP: Okay, we have two authors we want you to meet.  
  
Ion Deity: First, a new host and a classmate, VEGETA who is not from DBZ but is an author.  
  
VEGETA: Hi idiots!  
  
Idiots: We have new happy medication! (Hold up little pills shaped like a pile of poop)  
  
Everyone: Oo  
  
Hobo #1: Hey guys I finally finished college!  
  
THP: It's only been 2 days.  
  
Hobo #1: But I was way too smart for them.  
  
  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Flashback^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Boss of college: Get the fu%# out of here you d*** hobo!  
  
Hobo #1: Can I have my diploma?  
  
B.O.C: Here take it now leave!  
  
Hobo #1: Thanks bye.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^End^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
  
  
THP: Good for you now get the h*%% outta my show!  
  
Patrick: What about the muffin man?  
  
THP: Oh yeah, our other guest. Please welcome Deadly Sins!  
  
Deadly Sins: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Comes flying all burnt up)  
  
Ion Deity: I see you met Fang our Dodongo.  
  
Fang: Rrrr garrtt hhirrr seerrrr *Translation* Where'd all the meat go?  
  
THP: Fang you can stay if you like but we don't have any meat.  
  
Fang: Rrahh *Translation* Dang.  
  
Ion Deity: But there is some in the fridge at home.  
  
Fang: Hasrr *Translation* All right! (Runs out of the studio)  
  
THP: Uh, before we start would Deadly Sins or VEGETA like to say anything?  
  
Deadly Sins: Do you guys have a permit for this?  
  
Ion Deity and THP: (Start sweating) Well, you see we uh kind of uh. VEGETA! What do you have to say?  
  
VEGETA: Can we get on with the show?  
  
THP: Ok, Question 11. What is your favorite plant?  
  
Patrick: Krabby Patties! FFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone except Ed, G.I.R., and Patrick: x__x  
  
  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^5 hours later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
  
  
THP: I'm glad this is the last chapter.  
  
Ion Deity: I wish I didn't have to go through with this.  
  
Deadly Sins and VEGETA: We feel sorry for you.  
  
THP: Thanks for the pity. Now continue please.  
  
Ed: When I grow up, I want to be a ballerina.  
  
Everyone: Oo  
  
G.I.R.: I'm stupid.  
  
THP: 6 points to Patrick, 5 points to G.I.R., and 4 points to Ed.  
  
Deadly Sins: Question 12. Why are you stupid?  
  
Patrick: Carlos doesn't wear pants.  
  
Ed: BUURRRRRRRPPPP!  
  
G.I.R.: I like butt jelly!  
  
VEGETA: 4 points. Question 13. If you had a dollar what would you do with it?  
  
Patrick: F*&% you all!  
  
Ed: Shake my @%%!  
  
G.I.R.: You all should go to h*%%  
  
Ion Deity: Oo 6 points. Question 14. What is your last name?  
  
Patrick: Australia!  
  
Ed: Pikachu!  
  
G.I.R.: I like to eat tanning lotion!  
  
THP: 4 points. Now, the final question is here. Question 15. If you won this contest, what would you do?  
  
Patrick: I can eat boogers.  
  
Ed: Eddy is short and Edd has 2 letter Ds.  
  
G.I.R.: I don't know.  
  
THP: 3 points. Now here are the final scores.  
  
Ed=64  
  
Patrick=64  
  
G.I.R.=64  
  
Ion Deity: It's a tie.  
  
VEGETA: What do we do?  
  
Deadly Sins: Beats me.  
  
THP: Uh, they how about they each get 8 jars of pickles and we split the money since we're the hosts.  
  
VEGETA: All right money.  
  
Deadly Sins: Jackpot.  
  
THP and Ion Deity: You can have it we're already rich with everything we stole.  
  
Police guy: Aha! I knew you would eventually confess!  
  
THP: You do realize I have a large amount of ammo and hi-tech guns.  
  
Ion Deity: And I have a sword and magical powers.  
  
Police guy: Uh, see ya! (Runs away but is eaten by Fang)  
  
Fang: Yrr Yrr *Translation* Yum yum.  
  
THP and Ion Deity: Good boy! (Start scratching his belly)  
  
THP: Well that's the end we hope you enjoyed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THP: Well what did you think?  
  
Ion Deity: Read my stories too.  
  
THP: Yeah, and don't forget to R&R or Fang will eat you!  
  
Fang: rtjdfhjfhjf rhgf *Translation* I'm hungry! 


End file.
